Norton of Morton

Read a new instalment of Norton of Morton every Saturday at 4 o'clock

Saturday 22 December 2018

Double 0-tendres: Roger Moore

In which G.M. Norton raises an eyebrow to the man who Rogered Moore than anyone.

For some, Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without the ultimate festive film Die Hard. Or perhaps Home Alone, which I find follows a very similar plot to the Bruce Willis action extravaganza. For me though, Christmas is about enjoying a good dash of Bond.

Of course, last week's periodical post listed my favourite double entendres uttered by the first man to play Bond, Sean Connery. So this week I'm going to fire off my seven finest Roger Moore efforts.

Right-o, let's get down to it. Ahem.

Live and Let Die

Rosie Carver: "Oh, I should have never gotten into any of this! I'm going to be completely useless to you."
Bond: "Well, I'm sure we'll be able to lick you into shape."

The Man with the Golden Gun

Belly dancer: "Oh, I've lost my charm!'
Bond: "Not from where I'm standing."

The Spy Who Loved Me

Sheikh Hoseim: (motions in a harem girl) "Are you quite sure I can't persuade you to stay the night?"
Bond: "When in Egypt, one must delve deeply into it's treasures."

And one more from the same film, as to be frank, For Your Eyes Only is lacking in anything vaguely saucy.

(Bond and Anya are discovered in bed together)

M: "007!"
General Gogol: "Triple X!"
Sir Frederick Gray, Minister of Defence: "Bond! What do you think you're doing?"
Bond: "Keeping the British end up, Sir."


(Gets in helicopter)

Corinne: "Welcome to California, Mr Bond."
Bond: "I like it already."


Vijay: "I hear the island is full of beautiful women. No men allowed."
Bond: Really? Sexual discrimination. I'll definitely have to pay a visit."

View to a Kill

(Bond has just met a horse rider, Jenny Flex)
Bond: "Well my dear, I take it you spend quite a lot of time in the saddle."
Jenny Flex: "Yes, I love an early morning ride."
Bond: "Well, I'm an early riser myself."

G.M. Norton
Protagonist of 'Norton of Morton'

1 comment

  1. I love Rog. He's such a gent in real life, as well as the sauciest Bond.


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