Chap Olympiad 2014: a field report

In which G.M. Norton invites a Handlebar Club chum to recount his Chap Olympiad experience.

Last Saturday, the 10th Chap Olympiad was held at Bedford Square Gardens in Londinium - an annual event where ladies and gentlemen gather for a wonderfully eccentric day of picnics, hobnobbing and competing for Chappish glory in 'sporting' challenges.

Sadly, my moustache and I were unable to make it but rather than let such a glorious soiree saunter by without this periodical marking it in some way, I devised a plan.

As you may have already gathered, I enjoy plotting and scheming, so I made the inspired decision to invite a Chap Olympiad attendee to pen a little something on the gregarious goings-on.

Enter, my chum and fellow Handlebar Club member, Mr. Ryan Pike.

Handlebar Club members including Ryan (far left) and Michael "Atters" Attree (centre)

Please sit back, pour yourself a tumbler of your favourite tipple and enjoy Mr. Pike's account of his experience at the Chap event of the year.

Over to you, Ryan.

As fit as a fiddle

In which G.M. Norton works up a sweat in the name of gallantry.

Aware of my ever-expanding waistline after too many good lunches, pieces of cake, chocolate, biscuits, crisps, cheese and carrots, I recently made the decision to cut down on the carrots and start exercising.

I must confess, I’m not a very active sort of chap, preferring to plant my bottom in a comfortable armchair than on some form of fitness contraption.

However, it would appear that a few jackets have recently shrunk in size and I’m becoming more self-conscious about my protruding abdominal area. So, it was with some trepidation that two weeks ago, I started a new fitness regime – thirty minutes of good old-fashioned exercise every day. And I must say, after a fortnight of huffing and puffing, I feel much better.

The Allahakbarries

In which G.M. Norton draws attention to a collection of literary greats and the noble game of cricket.

What do you get when you combine a number of writing greats, one or two intrepid explorers and add a generous helping of cricket? The Allahakbarries, of course – a celebrity cricket team from Victorian and Edwardian England.

Founded by J.M. Barrie, the creator of Peter Pan, this extraordinary amateur cricket team played each summer from the years 1887 to 1913, before the First World War had the audacity to interrupt play.

The Allahakbarries – a combination of the founder’s surname and the Arabic phrase ‘Allah akbar’, which they mistakenly thought meant ‘Heaven help us’. It does in actual fact translate as ‘God is great’.

The team sheet quite literally reads like a list of the most famous writers in history, who regularly turned out for Barrie’s team. It included Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, P.G. Wodehouse, A.A. Milne, E.W. Hornung and Jerome K. Jerome. I believe Rudyard Kipling and H.G. Wells also played occasionally, on account of the rather excellent refreshments.

Strutting summery stuff

In which G.M. Norton is proud to be recognised as a Very Impractical Person.

A little while ago, your favourite protagonist was a V.I.P. guest to a summer vintage fashion show. 

Organised by the Vintage Collective, made up of Paula off of Mint Vintage and Gabby of Vintage Belle fame, it was held in a lovely conservation area in Salford, at a marvellous place called the Creation Café.

The Creation Cafe by the leaning tower of Salford

Victory is ours!

In which G.M. Norton emerges victorious.

Chumrades, I have exciting news to impart! (Although if you have made the commendable decision to follow me on the Twittering Device, Facebook or Instagram, then this will be old news).

{ Please imagine a drum roll being played, preferably by the rather dapper Mr. Charlie Watts off of The Rolling Stones }

I am quite flabbergasted to tell you that Norton of Morton has been crowned the best vintage blog in the whole kingdom. “Twaddle! Codswallop!” I hear you cry. No, really. I have. Look, see for yourself, I have the trophy and everything.

The award ceremony for The National Vintage Awards was held on Thursday 19^th June, so very little time has passed between then and now. I am still feeling rather elated, I must confess.

Giveaway! Assortment of ale

In which G.M. Norton drinks free beer and encourages you to do the same.

You may not be aware, dear reader, but as I have no inheritance to squander, I work the old nine to five, chained to a desk made of that pretend wood. You know the stuff, with the wood veneer masking its true shoddy self.

Three or four weeks ago (I do forget the small details sometimes), I was scampering away from work one evening after a hard day in front of the 'coal face' when I was alerted by way of vibration to an electronic message.

It was from a lovely lady at Beer52.com. If you’ve yet to be introduced, they are an Edinburgh-based company who deliver a box of eight remarkable bottles of beer from independent microbreweries to your door, once a month.

Smouldering Sirens: Dame Diana Rigg

In which G.M. Norton is mesmerised by a right royal Dame.

Dear reader, please join me in welcoming Dame Diana Rigg to Norton of Morton’s list of Smouldering Sirens.

I’ve always been captivated by this lady. As a self-confessed Bond fan, it was perhaps her role in the 1969 On Her Majesty’s Secret Service that first brought her to my attention. Playing Countess Teresa di Vicenzo, who famously became the only ever Mrs Bond, I probably noted that if she was good enough to lure 007 down the aisle, then she’s good enough for me. What a smart child I was.

Real-life dandy: Sir Royston Buckingham-Hurst

In which G.M. Norton shines the sartorial spotlight on another eccentric dandy. 

What time is it, chumrades? Dandy o’clock, of course!

I am tickled pink to introduce you to the splendidly-named Sir Royston Buckingham-Hurst. 

Thankfully, as well as boasting a rather natty name, Sir Royston is also a rather natty dresser and worthy of being the latest incumbent to Norton of Morton’s ‘Real-life dandy’ feature.

Cat, mouse and Kipling

In which G.M. Norton issues a rallying cry for votes.

Since the beginning of May, I’ve been on the campaign trail, urging people to vote for this periodical in the National Vintage Awards. 

Keen to be crowned the Best Vintage Blog in Blighty, I’ve been fortunate to still be in the running as we approach the final seven days. 

Like an elaborate game of Cat and Mouse, the top four has chopped and changed so many times, with only a handful of votes separating 1^st and 4^th.

A modern magazine for old fashioned people

In which G.M. Norton proudly reveals his involvement in a brand new vintage publication.

I am pleased to report that there is a new lifestyle magazine to feast your eyes on for both men and women, featuring everything old fashioned or retro styled. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you In Retrospect.

What’s more dear reader; I am one of the writers!

Available online at the moment, with burgeoning dreams of becoming a fully-fledged printed publication, In Retrospect covers everything. Don’t believe me? Well the first corker of an issue covers vintage fashion and style, dancing, history, opinion, culture and transport.