Norton of Morton

Read a new instalment of Norton of Morton every Saturday at 4 o'clock

Saturday 29 September 2012

Bringing back the smoking jacket

In which G.M. Norton makes a startling revelation. 


As an aspiring gentleman, I am well accustomed to defying the conventional. In fact, I am making quite an art of indulging in practices considered to be mere nostalgic eccentricities; shaving with a safety razor, a familiarity with the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and more recently, wearing a smoking jacket.

A smoking jacket is an essential part of a gentleman’s wardrobe, originally made for the purpose of indulging in pipe or cigar related activities. The debonair Fred Astaire became so attached to his smoking jacket that he was buried in it. Cary Grant, the gentleman of gentlemen, was also a famous wearer of this particular garment along with Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra.

Even when he's reading, G.M. Norton remains ever vigilant to even the smallest noise


Saturday 22 September 2012

Put your best foot forward

In which G.M. Norton shares one of his favourite rituals - shining one’s shoes.


Over the course of this periodical, I will seek to act as your sartorial beacon, guiding you through the choppy waters of modern life. This week’s topic will cover the importance of polishing one’s footwear.

The mark of a true gentleman can be judged by the shininess of his shoes. What good is an outfit consisting of a finely-cut three-piece suit, a luxurious wool overcoat and a fur felt fedora sat on your well-coiffed head if it’s to be ruined by shoddy shoes? 

When a cardboard box just won't do, old bean


Saturday 15 September 2012

When a lady's honour is at stake

In which G.M. Norton defends the Duchess of Cambridge’s honour and challenges the French to a duel.  

Upon hearing that the Duchess of Cambridge had been ‘papped’ by the French gutter press after a most powerful parisian wind had somehow blown her clothes off of her, red-blooded men across the land will have rushed to Google quicker than a stoat at full speed. 

Of course, being a bounder at heart, I can almost appreciate the devilish deed that the French Closer magazine carried out but do we really want to bear sight to the future Queen’s fleshy mounds? And more importantly, is it right? The answer to both questions is of course no. Or as the ghastly Garlic munchers would say, non.
The Duchess of Cambridge in her usual sunbathing garb


Saturday 8 September 2012

The quest begins!

In which G.M. Norton introduces himself, yearns for a bygone age and begins his quest to lead a gentlemanly existence.    


Welcome to ‘Norton of Morton’ – a periodical for dandies and damsels that guffaws in the face of modernity. Think of this as a safe refuge, an air raid shelter or bunker if you will, although more handsomely furnished with a roaring fire, sumptuous Chesterfields to sink into and a butler bearing a tumbler of your favourite tipple.

If you’ve not already guessed, I am an aspiring gentleman living in 21st century Britain with a yearning for a bygone age when the male of the species were gentlemen and the fairer sex were just that. 

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