In which G.M. Norton pens an ode to the pencil moustache.
Quite by chance, my beard recently fell into the sink, leaving me with a pencil moustache. I was surprised, but delighted at the same time. You see, for many years, I have admired this facial punctuation mark.
The pencil moustache harks back to a bygone age and is brimming with charisma and a large dose of rakishness.
When so many Hollywood greats wear it, you're in extraordinarily good company.
A thin, narrow style with the optional shaved gap between the moustache and nose, it is quite a high maintenance style. It requires daily trimming to keep it in tip-top condition.
Cark Gable’s moustache doesn’t give a damn. And neither should you.
The power of the pencil moustache was severely tested when Errol Flynn pranced about in tights as Robin Hood. Thankfully, people were too distracted by his sub-nasal love wand to notice.
It is impossible to imagine the dashing David Niven without his upper lip adornment. Here he is just after somebody suggested he shave it off.
Horror actor, Vincent Price combined his wonderful lip crown with a very natty bow tie. The perfect combination, if you ask me.
Here we see Rock 'n' Roll singer, Little Richard sporting a very thin style of pencil. He accompanies this with tousled locks of hair piled high on his head, perhaps to compensate for his diminutive size.
Private Walker, Dad's Army
Many stylish gentlemen may wear feathers in their hats. Private Walker couldn't resist going one step further. The pencil moustache was often associated with Spivs. Clearly, he's already eyeing his next black market deal.
The ever so keen actor, Ronald Colman had an English mustard named after him. Here he is pictured during some tense negotiations with the mustard company after a derisory opening offer. The perfect example of a stiff upper lip.
Known as “The Great Lover”, silent film star Mr Gilbert boasts impressive girth on his top lip. It's a surprise that his co-star, Greta Garbo reportedly jilted him at the altar. Especially with his taste in knitwear too.
The sadly deceased Raul Julia wisely opted for a pencil moustache for his iconic portrayal of Gomez Addams. Apparently, he used it to tickle Uncle Festa's exposed cranium.
Don Diego fought injustice against the bad guys as his alter ego, Zorro. The mask hid his true identity, despite both characters sporting identical facial hair. I would have been fooled too.
Like myself, Robert Donat was born in Manchester. Unfortunately, that's where the similarity ends. Perfect hair, perfect moustache. Some men have all the luck.