Norton of Morton

Read a new instalment of Norton of Morton every Saturday at 4 o'clock

Saturday 26 July 2014

Review: The Legends London Maximum Hold Hair Gel

In which G.M. Norton tests out a new hair product that makes big bold claims.

I’m a pomade man. I wear it every day and it gives me the look that I desire. So when I received a missive from the interestingly named The Legends London, offering me the chance to test out their new hair gel, I had my doubts.

Over the course of my life, my experience of hair gel has never really been very positive so the mere mention of the word ‘gel’ doesn’t have terribly good associations with me.

Pomade on the other hand is a safe word, a dependable word.

I have an inquisitive nature though so as the hair gel that The Legends were offering was completely free, I thought, why the devil not?

A few days later and the 220ml tub was in my hands, ready to give the hair gel its first outing. As first impressions go, I was quite taken with the red retro design. It wasn’t one of those achingly modern tubs that I associate with hair gel.

Saturday 19 July 2014

Chap Olympiad 2014: a field report

In which G.M. Norton invites a Handlebar Club chum to recount his Chap Olympiad experience.
Last Saturday, the 10th Chap Olympiad was held at Bedford Square Gardens in Londinium - an annual event where ladies and gentlemen gather for a wonderfully eccentric day of picnics, hobnobbing and competing for Chappish glory in 'sporting' challenges.

Sadly, my moustache and I were unable to make it but rather than let such a glorious soiree saunter by without this periodical marking it in some way, I devised a plan.
As you may have already gathered, I enjoy plotting and scheming, so I made the inspired decision to invite a Chap Olympiad attendee to pen a little something on the gregarious goings-on.
Enter, my chum and fellow Handlebar Club member, Mr. Ryan Pike.
Handlebar Club members including Ryan (far left) and Michael "Atters" Attree (centre)
Please sit back, pour yourself a tumbler of your favourite tipple and enjoy Mr. Pike's account of his experience at the Chap event of the year.
Over to you, Ryan.

Saturday 12 July 2014

As fit as a fiddle

In which G.M. Norton works up a sweat in the name of gallantry.

Aware of my ever-expanding waistline after too many good lunches, pieces of cake, chocolate, biscuits, crisps, cheese and carrots, I recently made the decision to cut down on the carrots and start exercising.

I must confess, I’m not a very active sort of chap, preferring to plant my bottom in a comfortable armchair than on some form of fitness contraption.

However, it would appear that a few jackets have recently shrunk in size and I’m becoming more self-conscious about my protruding abdominal area. So, it was with some trepidation that two weeks ago, I started a new fitness regime – thirty minutes of good old-fashioned exercise every day. And I must say, after a fortnight of huffing and puffing, I feel much better.

Saturday 5 July 2014

The Allahakbarries

In which G.M. Norton draws attention to a collection of literary greats and the noble game of cricket.

What do you get when you combine a number of writing greats, one or two intrepid explorers and add a generous helping of cricket? The Allahakbarries, of course – a celebrity cricket team from Victorian and Edwardian England.
Founded by J.M. Barrie, the creator of Peter Pan, this extraordinary amateur cricket team played each summer from the years 1887 to 1913, before the First World War had the audacity to interrupt play.

The Allahakbarries – a combination of the founder’s surname and the Arabic phrase ‘Allah akbar’, which they mistakenly thought meant ‘Heaven help us’. It does in actual fact translate as ‘God is great’.

The team sheet quite literally reads like a list of the most famous writers in history, who regularly turned out for Barrie’s team. It included Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, P.G. Wodehouse, A.A. Milne, E.W. Hornung and Jerome K. Jerome. I believe Rudyard Kipling and H.G. Wells also played occasionally, on account of the rather excellent refreshments.

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