Norton of Morton

Read a new instalment of Norton of Morton every Saturday at 4 o'clock

Saturday 27 December 2014

Christmas time, social media and wine

In which G.M. Norton is his usual hypocritical self. Bah Humbug.

With the advent of social media, Christmas is becoming an endless stream of photographs containing Christmas trees, turkey dinners and piles of presents to announce the sudden visit and departure of every pogonophile’s wet dream, Mr. Father Christmas.
I’ve neglected to share such visual delights with people. Perhaps for fear of not having the best decorated tree, or because there weren’t enough stuffing balls on the plate I was carefully capturing on camera. Or perhaps I was just too busy enjoying the festivities with my family. I certainly preferred the good old-fashioned option of eating my Christmas dinner while it was hot rather than spend an aching amount of time trying to find the best composition to show it in it's best light.
At this juncture, I probably sound a little grumpy. I’m not, really. Just a little perplexed. I’m all for social media, it really is a wonderful beast but I feel it has the potential to expose me a little too much at times (especially after the infamous gap-in-the-trouser incident).
Anyway, now I’ve finished bemoaning modern technology on this electronic periodical, which you are probably reading on your fanciful new electronic device, I shall be a complete hypocrite and share some of the gifts that I found in my stocking. Because, my dear chum, that is how one rolls.
First up is the complete DVD collection of two of my favourite comedy shows – O-O-O-O-Open All Hours and Dad's Army. Hours of titters to follow.

Then there’s this Charles Tyrwhitt pocket square. I’m very much looking forward to that bit of stuffing.
Unfortunately, I found that my Charles Tyrwhitt pyjama bottoms didn’t have the staying power. They lasted just one night’s wear before producing a gaping hole. Pull your finger out, Tyrwhitt! You’re meant to be a quality establishment.
I was also lucky enough to receive a new shaving cream from Taylor of Old Bond Street. I’m a fan of the Sandalwood scent so my beloved did rather well selecting this little beauty.
The final gift I’d like to share is one from my dear mother, father and brother – a Laurel and Hardy collection, comprising of five films and a book on the famous duo. Ruddy marvellous! The films include The Hobo, The Sawmill, Mud and Sand, White Wings and The Flying Deuces. From what I understand, the first four ‘shorts’ were early silent films that Laurel or Hardy appeared in alone before they teamed up together. The Flying Deuces is a 1939 feature, starring the duo together. An interesting collection, I’m sure you’ll agree.
So, there you have it. Perhaps next year I will share my Christmas dinner with you too. This year’s effort was rather tasty, after all. Considering I didn’t get to consume the previous year’s dinner owing to bad health, it was absolutely topping to have both the desire to eat and ability to keep the food down.
Yuletide felicitations, chumrades!
G.M. Norton
Protagonist of ‘Norton of Morton’


  1. Dear Mr Norton

    I fear, that in Interwebland the pressure to appear as perfect as a coffee table photographic publication has led to a certain sleight-of-hand in editing one's life. Bravo for drawing a veil over your festivities.

    I am very disappointed re the robustness of Mssrs Tyrwhitts nightwear; indeed it seems very shoddy in light of the esteemed brand. (I will let you know how the William Hunt festive gift of cashmere socks fare in dealing with Mr Phipps' size 10s).

    As to the delight that is Sandalwood - I can heartily recommend Crabtree & Evelyn who use the traditional Indian Mysore - which is more pronounced if slightly more fleeting than the more usual Australian sourced Sandalwood oil.

    Felicitations for the New Year.


    Mrs Phipps

    1. Also, respectfully.

    2. Thanks awfully, my dear! Cashmere socks are a wonderful gift, please do let me know how they perform. I picked up a charming William Hunt silk scarf last year from a beneficiary boutique and was very impressed.

      Many thanks for the Crabtree & Evelyn recommendation too. I will add it to my growing list of desires.

      Wishing both you and Mr Phipps a glorious New Year!

  2. Oo what DVD goodies you received, I'd be quite happy watching those back-to-back with a small sherry! I wasn't active on social media over Christmas either, but I did manage to take a snap of the Christmas dinner, which I will share in due course. I took a photo because my Beloved cooked it up single-handedly, whilst I was indisposed on the sofa. And an excellent choice indeed on the sandalwood scent, one of my personal favourites x

    1. Greetings, Porcelina! Not that I wish to cast aspersions on your character but I heard you were more partial to a large glass of sherry, rather than a small one.

      I'm very sorry to hear you were under the weather this Yuletide. Your beloved sounded like an absolute knight in shining armour decorating your home on Christmas Eve and making the Christmas dinner single-handedly. Jolly good show!


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