Norton of Morton

Read a new instalment of Norton of Morton every Saturday at 4 o'clock

Saturday 27 July 2013

Ten summer tips for gentlemen

In which G.M. Norton comes to the rescue for gentlemen everywhere.

The autumn and winter months are a walk in the park for gentlemen, but the summer months can be a terribly testing time. Where a gentleman was once able to cling to the comforting fabrics of tweed and corduroy, rather unhelpfully, more tropical weather doesn't lend itself to such attire.

Breathe a sigh of relief though, chumrades, because as ever, help is at hand in the form of your favourite protagonist. To take the stress out of summer, I have rather helpfully compiled my top ten tips to guide a chap through the warmer climate.

Gentleman clad in seersucker

Without further ado and in no particular order, here are my ten summer commandments.
  1. Keep hydrated by having an extra ice cube in your scotch
  2. Show devil-may-care flair and swap your neck noose for a cravat
  3. Employ a man-servant to mop your brow and intermittently thrust a fan in your face
  4. Ditch tweed for lighter weight fabrics such as linen, seersucker and cotton
  5. Wear appropriate headwear
  6. Take a dip in the water (since a gentleman never drinks the stuff, he may as well cool down in it)
  7. Apply sunscreen liberally - a good excuse to ask a lovely lady's assistance for the parts you can't reach
  8. Seek shade - perhaps under a mighty oak in the grounds of a nearby stately home
  9. Avoid the sun between 11 o'clock and 3 o'clock - perhaps seek refuge in the local members club for a long liquid luncheon
  10. No strenuous activity - rest and relaxation is the mantra of a true gentleman (unless an exquisite creature succumbs to your charms)
A gentleman should always take the utmost care when dealing with the sun – after all, your normal Bacchanalian lifestyle means you are already in line for other kinds of medical complications. The least one can do is avoid sunstroke and all manner of other summer-inflicted ailments. 

So, chaps – if the sun is shining, you now know what to do. Now, scamper off to the beach and recharge your gentlemanly batteries with the ‘three Ss’ – sun, sea and scotch. And don’t forget your stripy Edwardian bathing suit.
G.M. Norton
Protagonist of ‘Norton of Morton’


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