Norton of Morton

Read a new instalment of Norton of Morton every Saturday at 4 o'clock

Saturday 4 May 2013

Shoes, glorious shoes

In which G.M. Norton unveils his ever expanding shoe collection.

Some people collect stamps, others collect die-cast toy model cars. Lately, your favourite protagonist has being collecting shoes. Not on purpose, you understand. In fact, one could argue that my collection has been amassed quite by accident. Or certainly by circumstance.
A brief glimpse

As regular readers of Norton of Morton will be aware, I enjoy visiting charity shops to see what treasure I can plunder.

Unless you want to set yourself up for disappointment, you don't enter such establishments with a specific requirement. That would be pure folly. For instance, I have never wandered into the local Barnardo's with the sole desire to purchase a collection of James Bond novels. Although I did acquire such a thing from this very charity shop chain quite recently. But I would place quite a hefty wager that they would never have been there if I had walked in with such a specific wish list in mind. You see, things don't work like that. Oh no.

Anyway, I am wittering on a bit. Recently, I have been perusing the menswear sections of the local beneficiary boutiques and have been noticing pair upon pair of utterly divine, seemingly never-been-worn shoes. And I haven't had the heart to say no.

To add to the shoes I already possess, I've found...

Black Oxfords...

A few brown Oxfords...

Brown loafers...

And brown brogues...

Every six and a half days or so I am accosted by lollypop men, bankers, city slickers, dinner ladies, concierges and the complete cast of The Great Gatsby, and asked "How many pairs of shoes do you own, where did you buy them and how much did they cost?” 

"I haven’t the foggiest," says I, "But have no fear, very soon I will document them all, including price and place of purchase. Please do keep checking my periodical and one day you will have your questions answered."

Well, that day has arrived. Of course, I know that this will only lead to more questions by lollypop men, bankers, city slickers, dinner ladies, concierges and the complete cast of The Great Gatsby, but that is only natural. 

Please enjoy the following list:
  1. Dark brown 'Trustyle' loafers, £9.99, British Heart Foundation in Darwen, April 2013.
  2. Brown 'Town Classics' loafers, £4.99, Age UK in Darwen, April 2013.
  3. Brown suede brogues 'Consulate', £4.99, Barnardo's in Swinton, February 2013.
  4. Brown 'Consulate' brogues, £4.99, Barnardo's in Swinton, February 2013.
  5. Black Oxford M&S shoes, £4.99 from Barnardo's in Swinton, March 2013.
  6. Black Oxford 'Town Classics' shoes, £4.99 from Barnardo's in Swinton, March 2013.
  7. Tan Clarks shoes, £4.99 from Cancer Research UK in Blackburn, January 2013.
  8. Black Oxford Loake 'Formby' shoes, £4.99 from Barnardo's in Swinton, December 2012. 
  9. Brown Oxford K shoes, £9.99 from Cancer Research UK in Rochdale, December 2012.
  10. Blue Next boat shoes, £35, bought new from Next, June 2012.
  11. Black Oxford Clarks shoes, £45, bought new from Clarks, December 2011.
  12. Oxblood Loake shoes, £20 from vintage shop in Manchester, May 2011.
  13. Oxblood Loake Brighton loafers - bought new from Messrs E&Bay, £95, May 2011.
New - £175 x 3 shoes
Second hand - £75 x 10 shoes
Total - £250

Are you still here? Jolly good. I must congratulate you on making it this far. Thank goodness you had a slab of Kendal Mint Cake on your person. To perk you up, here is a pictorial of my shoe collection in its entirety. 

The current line-up

Now I am faced with the challenge to keep them clean.

To conclude, unless you're after a particular type or pair of shoe, I would thoroughly recommend that you scour second hand establishments. You get more for your moolah, including footwear by illustrious shoe makers such as Loake.

This is not a sponsored post for Loake, Kendal Mint Cake or The Great Gatsby. Unfortunately.

G.M. Norton
Protagonist of 'Norton of Morton'



  1. A chap after my own heart with a shoe collection to rival even mine (and that is some achievement!)

    It would have been criminal to let such handsome shoes languish unloved in each establishment.

    Plus the money went to charity, plus they were a bargain etc etc.

    All in all - great work!

  2. Thank you, m'lady - I now feel thoroughly vindicated in my purchases. Hurrah!

  3. Dear Mr Norton

    How simply thrilling to read about your shoe collection.

    My own Mr Phipps shares your interest in Messrs Loakes fine footwear (along with Gieves and Hawkes suits thanks to E.Bay).

    Might I be so bold as to ask what shoe size you wear? Mr Phipps takes a sturdy size 10 and often comes across smaller sizes whilst on the hunt to add to his own collection.


    Elaine Phipps (Mrs)

    p.s. I believe that one can procure some kind of ant powder for the repelling of the complete cast of The Great Gatsby - I always keep cedar balls in the wardrobe that contains my beaded frocks for the same reason.

    1. Dearest Mrs. Phipps,

      I am delighted that you have stumbled across this little piece of the world wide web. I do hope you enjoyed your visit.

      Your husband is obviously a chap of the highest intelligence and taste. I take a size eight - I normally discount larger sizes but I will keep my eyes peeled should I spy any size 10s that may be of interest to Mr. Phipps.



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