Saturday, 15 September 2012

When a lady's honour is at stake

In which G.M. Norton defends the Duchess of Cambridge’s honour and challenges the French to a duel.  

Upon hearing that the Duchess of Cambridge had been ‘papped’ by the French gutter press after a most powerful parisian wind had somehow blown her clothes off of her, red-blooded men across the land will have rushed to Google quicker than a stoat at full speed. 


Of course, being a bounder at heart, I can almost appreciate the devilish deed that the French Closer magazine carried out but do we really want to bear sight to the future Queen’s fleshy mounds? And more importantly, is it right? The answer to both questions is of course no. Or as the ghastly Garlic munchers would say, non.
  
The Duchess of Cambridge in her usual sunbathing garb

This only confirms what many have always suspected – France just doesn’t uphold the same standards as our great nation. For those of you not up on your nude-related news, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, France’s former First Lady, is perhaps more well-known for posing in the buff than donning Dior. The difference between them of course is that the ex-President’s wife agreed to pose for nude photos and poor ‘Princess Kate’ most certainly did not. She was enjoying a rare moment of peace in a private residence in Provence. Or so she thought.

The Duchess of Cambridge is the Royal family’s shining light – not only is she a fine filly, but she behaves like a true lady and is always impeccably dressed. Well, except for that gust of wind but that’s the unpredictable weather for you. Her dazzling smile is almost enough to distract you from the heir to the throne's hair loss.

Closer – you should hang your head in shame. Just be grateful that Her Royal Highness doesn’t order for it to be chopped off.

As a lady’s honour is at stake, Closer, I challenge you to a duel. I’m chartering a boat to Calais, meet me at dawn. 

G.M. Norton
Protagonist of 'Norton of Morton'

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