Norton of Morton

Read a new instalment of Norton of Morton every Saturday at 4 o'clock

Saturday 6 January 2018

Hair we go again

In which G.M. Norton reflects on being bereft of hair and the reaction it’s received.

Well, it’s now one whole week since I revealed my bold (or should that be ‘bald’?) new look.
It’s been quite a change for your favourite protagonist so I thought it was only right to document what the reaction has been from people and how I’m feeling now I’m hairless. Well, on the top of my head, at least.

Before I begin, I must add that I’ve always had comments on my hair. Usually not very nice, to be truthful.

I remember being 17 years old and I was walking to the office one cold morning in a near empty Rochdale town centre when an older man walking past shouted, “Get your hair cut!”. I was sporting a longer style then. Not incredibly long by any means, but I had the audacity that my hair was long enough to cover my ears. Regrettably, the hair over my ears failed to block out his words.
That was quite typical back then. People didn’t hold back to tell me that I should have short hair, as if my longer locks offended their very souls. While I did my best to ignore their rudeness, it did have an effect on me. Still, my thick skin had to develop somehow.

Fast forward almost 18 years and I must admit, I prepared myself for a negative backlash once again. Perhaps fortunately for me, shaved heads are still very popular in society. If you look around, as I often do as I indulge in a spot of people watching, it is staggering the amount of men that like me, are bereft of hair.

The only slight negativity I’ve received has been from one or two family members, which is always disappointing. Their need to push their very rigid outlook on life continues to fascinate me. My uncle took great pleasure in gloating that despite being in his sixties, he still has a full head of hair. I took great pleasure in not laughing at his awful jokes and being steadfast in my opinion that I am enjoying being bald.
All that aside, since leaving my Christmas cocoon, the people that I’ve encountered have been nothing short of lovely. Whether they mean it or not, one doesn’t truly know but if my experience through life has taught me anything, it’s that people don’t hold back on their views, whether hurtful or nice.

This week I’ve been called manly and handsome, which are words I never usually hear, except from my beloved. A heterosexual man even referred to me 'sexy'. It was the highlight of my day. How times have changed that a man can now openly say such a thing to another man, in front of other men – it’s rather wonderful really.

My favourite comment was being referred to as a stylish Bond villain that you actually want to win. 

I’m on record as stating that I didn’t want to be bald. That my hair meant a lot to me. But I’m really enjoying having no hair. I’m also really enjoying running a razor over my head of a night. As one chum observed, it’s liberating.

More bunkum next week, but it won’t be about hair. I think two consecutive posts about it are enough.

G.M. Norton
Protagonist of 'Norton of Morton'

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  1. I am endlessly amazed at how many people say rotten things to others. And then I am bowled over by how kind others are. We have to play the cards dealt to us in life, and while appearance can be particularly important to those of us with an interest in vintage, it's still not the measure of a person. I think you're rocking your new look!

    1. Thank you! It is indeed a sad state of affairs. But we're better than that!

  2. Congratulations Sir! I have been shaving my head (occasionally, I must admit) for 23 years and while I don't have the problem of losing my hair, I just like the look once in a while. What I would suggest (respectfully) is that you should go to a really good barber and get a complete head shave with lots of lather and get the dome smooth (as I am at present). Hot towels on the head are amazing, as are all the lotions that can be rubbed in afterwards to make it shine like a beacon. At the same time, you should get the edges of the beard shaved, and the beard itself tidied up - the result will look fantastic. I know, I had it done today!
    Niall McGuinness

    1. I would very much like to indulge in a head shave at a barbers. I was fascinated watching my usual barber use a cut-throat blade on a customer, although was alarmed how close waiting customers were sat as the sharp blade was deftly operated. I'm shaving it every day now, rather than every other day as in the photos. As I have dark hair and continuing to grow thick and fast on the majority of my scalp, it is a bother trying to eradicate completely.

  3. Lookin' good, Norty.

    Nothing wrong with a bit of bald. When Patrick Stewart got the role of Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation they made him try out a wig. I saw a photo this week. It was baaaad. He looks much better without hair. Women have spent generations trying to get away from ridiculous beauty standards, and it makes me sad that nowadays men seem under such pressure to have hair, as though it's anything they can control as they age. You'd think by now we'd have fewer stupid beauty standards for both genders, not be piling extra pressure on.

    When you get your super-villain base up and running, might I suggest NOT having a big, red self-destruct button where any passing super-spy might find it?


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