In which G.M. Norton hands over the reins to his new No. 2 for a hairy update.
Following Mr. Ryan Pike’s summer guest spot on The Chap Olympiad, he has now filed his latest report. This time, it concerns The British Beard & Moustache Championships held last weekend.
The
Pike Report
The city of Bath is well known for its magnificent
architecture and culture, the Roman presence, the magnificent Abbey which marks
over 100 years of history and the splendid catacomb of shops, cafes and bars
that line the winding back streets. This weekend the city was more vibrant than
ever as not only did it host a local rugby game filling the streets with
supporters dressed in blue, white and black but also a Jane Austin convention
which saw many don period costume and parade through the town, transforming the
area to a time long forgotten.
However besides all this splendour, there was
another very important occasion hosted by the city. Early risers strolling
through the Pavillion Gardens about 0930 will have noticed a curious array of
ladies and gents assembling for a parade, the men all having some form of
facial hair and many of the ladies wearing fake, homemade beards and
moustaches. Not an everyday sight you may well say, but the 13th
September marked the occasion of the second British Beard and Moustache
Championships which is held every two years (the previous event being held in
Brighton in 2012).
The crowds of hirsute people soon swelled and beards,
sideburns and moustaches lined up and paraded from the gardens, across the
bridge to the Pavillions for the beginning of the day long competition.
All
walks of life assembled from city types sporting trim cut ‘business beards’ to
the more traditional long beards (many measuring over 12 inches in length!), to
styled mutton chops and a plethora of moustaches heartily supported by numerous
Handlebar Club members. I had gone along to this event as it was my first
competition and being an avid Handlebar Club member, thought it best to throw
in my hand and have a go at the ‘natural’ moustache competition (unwaxed with
no artificial aids). My lip weasel tends to grow out of my head as a natural handlebar
with very little input from myself, so I thought it only fitting to join in the
fun and give it a bash.
Once paraded and registered, all competitors waited
for the opening ceremony hosted by none other than The Chap magazine’s ‘Editor
at Large’, Michael ‘Atters’ Attree who gave it his usual flair and outrageous
panache. The hall was filled with competitors, spectators, families,
photographers and traders all watching avidly to cheer on friends and
colleagues and soon the first batch of moustaches were called up to face the
crowds. To my surprise the natural category was up first and no sooner as I had
settled in to my seat I was told to scoot off to the stage door and get my
official number. After introductions from Atters to the assembled crowd, a
panel of stern looking judges gave us the once over and we lined up to the side
as more contestants filled the stage. Once everyone had had their crack of the
whip we were ushered off for the next category to go through the same mill. This
procedure continued throughout the day and once all the moustaches had been
graded the beards took their place: as a rough guide there were approximately
45 moustache contestants and a mere 200 beards. Some beard categories were a
little ‘top heavy’ with over 30 entrants in the class but all were very
impressive.
As the day progressed, no one was aware of the
results or how they had fared and it was only after the children’s and ladies
‘home made beards’ had walked off the stage did the judging finally come to the
fore. Keeping the suspense to the last minute, a list of names was read out and
those featured were asked to make their way to the eaves where we would be
called up in batches respective of the categories we had entered. The list was
quite long and ready to go home, I was very surprised to hear my name called a
little way from the end – I had been ‘placed’, hoorah!
As we were first up we took
the stage again and I was joined by Handlebar Club President Rod Littlewood and
defending champion Chris Wall from Trowbridge. Atters announced us and knowing
the final results kept everyone at the edge of their seats – who would win?
Fully expecting a third place I was relieved to find that the honour had gone
to Rod who by previous form, was used to coming last (mainly due to his
self-induced disqualification attempts). It was therefore down to me and Mr.
Wall as to who would get the champions honours and whilst secretly hoping I
would be successful, the defending champion got a thoroughly deserved win much
to the roar of the crowd. Satisfied that I had done the club proud, I claimed
my trophy and with head held high at being No. 2 in the UK, sidled off back home.
Should you be cultivating your own facial herbage, I
would thoroughly recommend participating in the next event which is in 2016,
although there will no doubt be many other more regional events which will be
equally as much fun. If you have been
bitten by the bug, here are my top tips for success:
1. Stage presence: Win the crowd, win the
judges! Do something a bit different, be flamboyant or choose an outfit that
people can relate and warm to. Look at the winners of previous competition to
see what they have come up with in the past.
2. Synchronise your look: It’s not all about the moustache, it is not all about your outfit but it is both of them together! Make sure you choose an outfit that suits your moustache and vice versa.
3. Keep it neat, shapely and clean: the judges look for a well groomed look. Length may not necessarily be important but a thick, tidy moustache/beard which has been shaped nicely will always win points.
4. Join a beard or moustache club and get in with the scene. Not only will there be top tips galore on how to care for your chosen facial hair but you will often glean valuable knowledge on how to compete.
5. Smile, enjoy yourself and be part of the crowd when not on stage – it is a fun day out and others will appreciate you cheering them along.
2. Synchronise your look: It’s not all about the moustache, it is not all about your outfit but it is both of them together! Make sure you choose an outfit that suits your moustache and vice versa.
3. Keep it neat, shapely and clean: the judges look for a well groomed look. Length may not necessarily be important but a thick, tidy moustache/beard which has been shaped nicely will always win points.
4. Join a beard or moustache club and get in with the scene. Not only will there be top tips galore on how to care for your chosen facial hair but you will often glean valuable knowledge on how to compete.
5. Smile, enjoy yourself and be part of the crowd when not on stage – it is a fun day out and others will appreciate you cheering them along.
R.
Pike
Thanks awfully to Mr. Pike for reporting on his
hairy escapades. Sporting the second finest natural moustache in Blighty is
quite an achievement – congratulations, old sock!
Special congratulations to all those that emerged victorious, including Handlebar Club members, Mr. Alan Spencer (pictured above, head to toe in orange) who won the Freestyle category and Mr. Chris Wall who regained his Natural Moustache crown (pictured earlier in the butcher ensemble).
Special congratulations to all those that emerged victorious, including Handlebar Club members, Mr. Alan Spencer (pictured above, head to toe in orange) who won the Freestyle category and Mr. Chris Wall who regained his Natural Moustache crown (pictured earlier in the butcher ensemble).
G.M.
Norton
Protagonist of ‘Norton of Morton’
Protagonist of ‘Norton of Morton’
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Excellent blog, some fine moustasche examples and so English
ReplyDeleteMr. Pike did a super job reporting for me! This kind of event is what makes Britain great.
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