Saturday 8 February 2014

Glory be!

In which G.M. Norton attempts the impossible.

I had some marvellous news this week, dear reader. This very periodical was short-listed in the UK Blog Awards 2014, under the ‘Most Innovative’ category.

Thanks awfully if you voted! Now the public vote is over, the responsibility now sits with an expert panel of judges. Rumours are speculating about their choice of ensemble. I suspect they will go with the traditional wig and robe combination.

"I say, these corrugated cardboard wigs look just the ticket!"

The judges will assess all the blogs on the short-list and after careful deliberation; they will decide which blogs are guilty of cunning content, perfect photography and all that sort of rot. Verdicts will then be announced at a swanky awards bash in London on Friday 25 April.

Please keep your fingers crossed, old thing! I for one, hope they throw the book at me.

On a conjoined topic (you’ll see why soon enough), a chum of mine on the Twittering Device enquired if I was entering The British Beard and Moustache Championships this September. This year it is being held in the breathtaking city of Bath, at the Pavilion. The topic of ‘everlasting glory’ naturally came up.

The old grey matter started whirring as I imagined if Glory could really be brewed and bottled. After all, it would be simply splendiferous if I could gulp it down and have my periodical crowned the most innovative blog in the whole Kingdom and be judged to have the best handlebar moustache in Blighty. Crikey! Can you imagine...?

Naturally, I decided to concoct a potion. Heading out to a leafy glade, I foraged the little-known Glory berries before returning home to embark on the dangerous brewing process.

In protective clothing

Of course, I donned protective clothing (Harris Tweed, Donegal Tweed and corduroy) and reassigned the kitchen as the ‘laboratory’. I even made a little sign to confirm this new domestic arrangement.

I am currently allowing the Glory berries to slowly ferment but I anticipate it will be ready to consume within the next fortnight.