Spivs on film

In which G.M. Norton looks at the Film Noir ne'er-do-wells.

Since sporting a pencil moustache, I've become fascinated by the 1940s spiv. You know the fellow - hat at a jaunty angle; loud tie; even louder shoes and a pin-stripe suit with lapels so broad, they almost reach the shoulder seams. 

A dashing figure, he lives by his wits selling ration coupons, chocolate, cigarettes and nylons. 

Yes, they're a small-time crook but they have a romantic charm about them.

Of course, the likes of Flash Harry in the St Trinian's films and Private Walker in Dad's Army are two such loveable rogues that spring to mind. 

Before these over-the-top wide boys appeared, the spiv characters were a little darker when portrayed in post-war British films. Please allow me to introduce to you five such characters, some of whom you may already have met.

Timex, gentlemen, please

In which G.M. Norton hails the humble Timex Weekender.

Some time ago, I put together a Chivalric Code, containing ten ways to be the perfect gentleman. Number eight was quite simple - to be punctual.

I must confess, this is the one that I struggle with the most. You see, I've always preferred an idle stroll to a brisk walk. Without pointing the finger of blame as it is ultimately my responsibility, children also have a habit of slowing the pace somewhat.

That's why a watch is so important. After all, one must know precisely how many minutes one is late. 

I'm the proud owner of three pocket watches, yet possess only three wristwatches. A paltry effort, I'm sure you agree.

Thankfully, one of the wristwatches is a Timex Weekender. 

New shoes! As seen on monks!

In which G.M. Norton adds to his burgeoning shoe collection.

As regular readers will attest, I love my shoes. Last week, I took delivery of a new pair.

I can almost hear you now, “Norton, old thing. You don’t need any more shoes!”

Well, yes. Yes, I do.

You see, a pair of monk strap shoes has been missing from my collection. Thankfully, the good chaps at Samuel Windsor sensed my plight and rectified the situation by sending me a pair from their classic collection.

Review: Live at the Bull & Gate by Carradine's Cockney Sing-a-long

In which G.M. Norton has the cockney sing-a-long brought to him.

As I was born and remain in T'North of England, cockney sing-a-longs around the ol' Joanna just don't happen around these parts. 

As a young whippersnapper, the bright lights of London was confined to reading Sherlock Holmes detective mysteries and watching the likes of Only Fools & Horses and Goodnight Sweetheart. 

Funnily enough, both these television comedies do in fact feature cockney knees-ups. Uncle Albert in Only Fools enjoyed tickling the ivories (although not many at the Nag's Head seemed to enjoy it quite as much). Gary Sparrow, played by Nicholas Lyndhurst in Goodnight Sweetheart (as well as Rodney Trotter in Only Fools...do keep up at the back) was also fond of a few songs around the piano. So much so, that the time travelling womanising bigamist had the audacity to pass off well-known hits from the future as his own ditties.  

Anyway, what on earth am I wittering on about? Well my chum, Tom Carradine has brought out a live album of sing-a-long classics. If for some strange reason you remember everything I ever write about, cast your mind back to November 2014 when I first introduced you to Tom's musical enterprise, Carradine's Cockney Sing-a-longs.

My top 6 Instagrammers

In which G.M. Norton shares six of his favourite Instagrammers.

Since throwing myself into Instagram, it's been love at first like. When I first heard of Instagram, I thought it was just one of those photograph filters that could make your snaps look olde-worlde. Then perfect strangers started to like my photos and I couldn't fathom why.  

Since those innocent early days, I struggle to keep my hands off it! 

There are so many lovely people on Instagram, it's been a wonderful way to make and build friendships and importantly, to be inspired. 

Here are six of my favourite Instagrammers of the moment. I've only been following a few for a matter of weeks but I thought it would be rather jolly to share them with you.

In no particular order, here are my six of the best.

Technological times

In which G.M. Norton would prefer people to stare glumly ahead.

I like to describe Norton of Morton as ‘an analogue periodical in a digital age’. 

As the jolly throwback that I am, I love to dress in a manner befitting of a gentleman and aspire to behave in such a way. Impeccable manners, courtesy and respect all form part of the moral compass that guides me through life.

While I love the elegance and style of the 1920s to the 1950s, and would love to visit each decade for a brief sojourn, I wouldn’t like to live during those times. As much as I adore the fashions, I would much rather adopting those styles now and stand out amongst the polyester and sportswear-clad masses.

In tribute to David Bowie

In which G.M. Norton pays a pictorial tribute to Mr. David Bowie.

My beloved imparted the sad news of David Bowie's death at 7 bells on Monday morning. I was still coming around and she was dashing off to the office. It took a while for it to sink in.

69 years old. And just days after his birthday, when this daguerreotype was taken.

I’m not claiming to be a Bowie super fan but I have the most enormous respect for him and the mark he has indelibly left on British culture. I only possess two CDs - a greatest hits collection and the soundtrack to '80s film The Labyrinth, that was as a gift to my beloved (we both adore the film and our two daughters are now equally as fanatical about it). I also have a slightly scratched Ziggy Stardust vinyl album that I took a chance on at a car boot sale. 

Style icon: Bertie Wooster

In which G.M. Norton gives a sartorial salute to Bertie Wooster.

After a busy day, I love nothing more than to curl up with a P.G. Wodehouse novel and enjoy the misadventures of Bertie Wooster and his indispensable valet, Jeeves.

My first experience of the Wodehouse stories came in the early '90s with the television adaptation, Jeeves and Wooster starring Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie respectively.

Last year, the complete DVD collection found its way into my possession and I’ve enjoyed the occasional episode thereafter. I’m pleased to report that in the last week, my beloved has well and truly caught the Jeeves and Wooster bug too. So much so that it has now become a routine to request a little Jeeves action each night before retiring to the bedchamber.

A desire to be dandy

In which G.M. Norton seeks sartorial perfection. 

On Christmas Day, my beloved bestowed on me a book that I’ve been coveting since I first heard about it about 18 months ago - I am Dandy. And I must say, the book, along with my Eves&Gray tweed brogues and Peckham Rye faux fur collar, has inspired me greatly.

Since starting this little slice of the interweb, I’ve been on a sartorial journey. 

Can you believe that when I wrote my debut piece on Norton of Morton, I didn’t possess a single waistcoat? Now I have about nine or ten. 

Naturally, I’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way.

Browsing boxers on Boxing Day

In which G.M. Norton sniffs out the perfect smalls for the discerning gentleman.

With today being Boxing Day, my mind naturally turned to one's undercrackers. I usually rely on good old M&S for my boxers but I must confess to being underwhelmed with them.

Feeling a need for more support and style, I've scoured the entire internet and picked out my three favourites. As luck would have it, all three are made here in Britain.